Holy Shit It's Positive

I think I actually started hyperventilating. My husband and I were trying to conceive. But trying and actually achieving - two totally different things. It only took us a few months, three I think. We were lucky. I woke up early in the morning, peed on a stick and it was positive. AAAAHHHHHHH!! I remember waking him up and being in total shock. The reality was mind-numbing. Excited, yes, scared, definitely. I freaked out when we got our two dogs. Each dog a separate freak-out. So a child was HUGE! Funny thing, I never freaked out about getting married. My mother said I was the calmest bride she had ever seen. I just knew that decision was a good one. This one, I'm still wondering some days.

I went to work and told the girls. They were excited for us. Two were already mothers and they were thrilled. Happy thoughts and excited comments from all. I was still freaking out. Were they actually wondering whether or not they should tell me what I was in for? Or were they simply going to let me figure it out on my own. Or am I just such a bitch that I'm the only woman on the planet who wonders why no one warned me?

So the pregnancy was on. I was feeling good so far. No morning sickness. A little queasy in the afternoons once in a while. But really a stellar pregnancy. About 5 and a half weeks into it, I started bleeding. My husband rushed me to the hospital to get checked out. I was worried. I knew it wasn't normal, but I was fairly calm. They said it was a spontaneous abortion - so not a good term. The radiology technician showed me my very first ultra-sound, and I was in love. She was a perfect little peanut. And her due date was October 18. My grandpa's birthday. He had passed a few years earlier and was my favorite. It was meant to be. I knew she'd be okay and would survive. It was a sign.

So she did survive, and my pregnancy continued without a hitch for the rest of duration. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say it was easy. I gained a normal amount of weight, 35 lbs, if I remember correctly. The veins in my legs looked atrocious. We have a horrible history of varicose veins in my family. I was no exception. I was teaching still and it was terrible Florida hot in October. Yes, Florida is still disgusting hot in October. This is why snowbirds come down after Halloween. So my legs would swell up like a balloon everyday from the heat and standing. I had to wear long pants or skirts to cover my disgusting veins and compression hose to keep the swelling down. Everyday I would come home, have a glass of cold red raspberry leaf tea, and elevate my legs. I looked hysterical and was exhausted. But I was excited.