Before it all began

I've said it from the beginning, " No one ever warned me!" No really, no one ever warned me. Not my mom, not my other friends who already had kids, not even the nurses in the doctor's office. Yeah, right, like they would say anything. But really, not one person I can think of ever really warned me about what I was getting myself into. If I had really paid attention, my grandmother was probably sending me signals from her grave to run for the hills, or stop and get my head examined - she had seven kids. I don't know how she did it. I wish she was still alive. She would have given me so much insight.

So of course I got pregnant. That's what many young 32-year olds are thinking about if they've chosen the right man and have the rest of their life on course. I had been teaching for a while, married the man of my dreams, we'd have beautiful babies (yes, I actually told him this before we got married - and he didn't run away).

And yes, we have had two beautiful children. I am truly blessed.

But somewhere, along the way I got a little upset. Not that I would change any of my choices. But it would have been nice to have been warned, advised, or something. It's funny how one of the most important decisions of your life - outside of the man you choose to marry, and no one really gives you the real story. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book that helped a little. Hopefully, many people have read it. But I'm here to add a little realism to her Hollywood story. We all can't be former pin-up girls trying to find a niche for ourselves in the media with a cool new book on mommyhood. But many of us are women who want the real story on a major life decision. The decision to have kids.

I guess it's a funny proposition. The decision. The decision to have kids. Do some people even make that choice? Unfortunately, in my field of work I see way too many people who didn't choose to have a family. It kind of chose them. But for some of us we actually make that decision. We wake up in the morning, or way back when we were younger and we decide we want to be a mom someday. I always knew I wanted to have kids. I just knew I wanted them when I was ready. I wanted to explore the world, meet the right man, begin a career I loved, and then have kids.

I always loved kids. I grew up babysitting half of the neighborhood. I think at a high point I had something insane like 17 families that I sat for. I enjoyed it, but couldn't wait until I was old enough to get a real job. Then waitressing began. The job that sent me through high school, college, and yes, even grad school. I never wanted to teach. I thought I needed to explore the world first. So that's what I did. New York, all over Europe, then back to my home state of Florida. Eventually, I succumbed to what everyone in high school said I'd be... a teacher. But at this time, I was ready. I worked in various fields, a publishing company, a magazine, a title company. Teaching finally fit. I loved the kids and they loved me. I loved learning even more, so teaching was a natural fit.

So of course, being a teacher prepared me for motherhood right? Sort of. I knew how to handle 67 kids in an art camp and having on average 22 kids in a class. Having a baby should be fine. Right? Not exactly.