The adventure of being pregnant for the first time is something many woman go through. Luckily, today, we have so many resources out there to get our hands on that we can make informed decisions about what's happening in our bodies. Unfortunately, many women don't take advantage of the information out there. I feel truly blessed to have stumbled upon a practice of midwives really close to my home. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and my babies. For those of you who might be intimidated by a midwife, or think they are just some hippie voodoo, please put your mind at rest. They are wonderful, highly educated individuals who are the best thing for a healthy baby. The only reason to go to a ob/gyn for a pregnancy is if you have a difficult pregnancy or birth. I found the best of both worlds with a ob practice that had three midwives on staff. My visits rotated between the four of them so I could get to know each of them. When the big day came, I would know whomever was on call. Of course, I had my favorites. But they all contributed to my birthing experience.
To say I learned a lot in the process is an understatement. The most important thing I learned is that you have to be an advocate for your own body. Get to know yourself, your needs, desires, and learn for yourself what it means to have a baby. Not what hospitals today and most ob/gyn practices lead you to believe. If you haven't already seen The Business of Being Born a documentary by Ricki Lake, please do so. You can get it on NetFlix. Most woman I meet expect to get pregnant, continue their lives status quo, get an epidural, and pop out the kid. Some even think it's perfectly fine to schedule a C-section on a particular day so they can watch a football game (true story) even though there are no health issues. I just wish all women would educate themselves on what it means to have a baby, a natural birthing process, and the variety of birthing options out there.
I gave birth in a hospital. My husband wouldn't dare let me do anything different. But I never was hooked up to monitors except when they needed to make sure I was okay. I only got into the bed at the last portion of my laboring. The entire beginning I was on a birthing ball and playing trivia games to get my mind off the pain. Madeline was a horrific birth. I will not lie to anyone. After having her, I thought I was going to die. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She took 27 and a half hours, five hours of hard labor with endless pushes in the end. I got so many stitches the doctor lost count. Everyone I spoke to I told I would never do it again.
The beauty of doing something once, is that you learn from your mistakes. The second time around I knew what I had done wrong. I stayed up the entire laboring process. That is, when my contractions first started I stayed mobile and walked. I did not lay down. Laying down messes everything up and slows down the whole process. If you don't believe me look up Ina Mae's book about midwives. She tells you how it is. Nicholas only took 15 hours and I firmly believe it was because I stayed active, didn't lay around, walked a lot, and Madeline had greased the landing.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Holy Shit It's Positive
I think I actually started hyperventilating. My husband and I were trying to conceive. But trying and actually achieving - two totally different things. It only took us a few months, three I think. We were lucky. I woke up early in the morning, peed on a stick and it was positive. AAAAHHHHHHH!! I remember waking him up and being in total shock. The reality was mind-numbing. Excited, yes, scared, definitely. I freaked out when we got our two dogs. Each dog a separate freak-out. So a child was HUGE! Funny thing, I never freaked out about getting married. My mother said I was the calmest bride she had ever seen. I just knew that decision was a good one. This one, I'm still wondering some days.
I went to work and told the girls. They were excited for us. Two were already mothers and they were thrilled. Happy thoughts and excited comments from all. I was still freaking out. Were they actually wondering whether or not they should tell me what I was in for? Or were they simply going to let me figure it out on my own. Or am I just such a bitch that I'm the only woman on the planet who wonders why no one warned me?
So the pregnancy was on. I was feeling good so far. No morning sickness. A little queasy in the afternoons once in a while. But really a stellar pregnancy. About 5 and a half weeks into it, I started bleeding. My husband rushed me to the hospital to get checked out. I was worried. I knew it wasn't normal, but I was fairly calm. They said it was a spontaneous abortion - so not a good term. The radiology technician showed me my very first ultra-sound, and I was in love. She was a perfect little peanut. And her due date was October 18. My grandpa's birthday. He had passed a few years earlier and was my favorite. It was meant to be. I knew she'd be okay and would survive. It was a sign.
So she did survive, and my pregnancy continued without a hitch for the rest of duration. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say it was easy. I gained a normal amount of weight, 35 lbs, if I remember correctly. The veins in my legs looked atrocious. We have a horrible history of varicose veins in my family. I was no exception. I was teaching still and it was terrible Florida hot in October. Yes, Florida is still disgusting hot in October. This is why snowbirds come down after Halloween. So my legs would swell up like a balloon everyday from the heat and standing. I had to wear long pants or skirts to cover my disgusting veins and compression hose to keep the swelling down. Everyday I would come home, have a glass of cold red raspberry leaf tea, and elevate my legs. I looked hysterical and was exhausted. But I was excited.
I went to work and told the girls. They were excited for us. Two were already mothers and they were thrilled. Happy thoughts and excited comments from all. I was still freaking out. Were they actually wondering whether or not they should tell me what I was in for? Or were they simply going to let me figure it out on my own. Or am I just such a bitch that I'm the only woman on the planet who wonders why no one warned me?
So the pregnancy was on. I was feeling good so far. No morning sickness. A little queasy in the afternoons once in a while. But really a stellar pregnancy. About 5 and a half weeks into it, I started bleeding. My husband rushed me to the hospital to get checked out. I was worried. I knew it wasn't normal, but I was fairly calm. They said it was a spontaneous abortion - so not a good term. The radiology technician showed me my very first ultra-sound, and I was in love. She was a perfect little peanut. And her due date was October 18. My grandpa's birthday. He had passed a few years earlier and was my favorite. It was meant to be. I knew she'd be okay and would survive. It was a sign.
So she did survive, and my pregnancy continued without a hitch for the rest of duration. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say it was easy. I gained a normal amount of weight, 35 lbs, if I remember correctly. The veins in my legs looked atrocious. We have a horrible history of varicose veins in my family. I was no exception. I was teaching still and it was terrible Florida hot in October. Yes, Florida is still disgusting hot in October. This is why snowbirds come down after Halloween. So my legs would swell up like a balloon everyday from the heat and standing. I had to wear long pants or skirts to cover my disgusting veins and compression hose to keep the swelling down. Everyday I would come home, have a glass of cold red raspberry leaf tea, and elevate my legs. I looked hysterical and was exhausted. But I was excited.
Before it all began
I've said it from the beginning, " No one ever warned me!" No really, no one ever warned me. Not my mom, not my other friends who already had kids, not even the nurses in the doctor's office. Yeah, right, like they would say anything. But really, not one person I can think of ever really warned me about what I was getting myself into. If I had really paid attention, my grandmother was probably sending me signals from her grave to run for the hills, or stop and get my head examined - she had seven kids. I don't know how she did it. I wish she was still alive. She would have given me so much insight.
So of course I got pregnant. That's what many young 32-year olds are thinking about if they've chosen the right man and have the rest of their life on course. I had been teaching for a while, married the man of my dreams, we'd have beautiful babies (yes, I actually told him this before we got married - and he didn't run away).
And yes, we have had two beautiful children. I am truly blessed.
But somewhere, along the way I got a little upset. Not that I would change any of my choices. But it would have been nice to have been warned, advised, or something. It's funny how one of the most important decisions of your life - outside of the man you choose to marry, and no one really gives you the real story. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book that helped a little. Hopefully, many people have read it. But I'm here to add a little realism to her Hollywood story. We all can't be former pin-up girls trying to find a niche for ourselves in the media with a cool new book on mommyhood. But many of us are women who want the real story on a major life decision. The decision to have kids.
I guess it's a funny proposition. The decision. The decision to have kids. Do some people even make that choice? Unfortunately, in my field of work I see way too many people who didn't choose to have a family. It kind of chose them. But for some of us we actually make that decision. We wake up in the morning, or way back when we were younger and we decide we want to be a mom someday. I always knew I wanted to have kids. I just knew I wanted them when I was ready. I wanted to explore the world, meet the right man, begin a career I loved, and then have kids.
I always loved kids. I grew up babysitting half of the neighborhood. I think at a high point I had something insane like 17 families that I sat for. I enjoyed it, but couldn't wait until I was old enough to get a real job. Then waitressing began. The job that sent me through high school, college, and yes, even grad school. I never wanted to teach. I thought I needed to explore the world first. So that's what I did. New York, all over Europe, then back to my home state of Florida. Eventually, I succumbed to what everyone in high school said I'd be... a teacher. But at this time, I was ready. I worked in various fields, a publishing company, a magazine, a title company. Teaching finally fit. I loved the kids and they loved me. I loved learning even more, so teaching was a natural fit.
So of course, being a teacher prepared me for motherhood right? Sort of. I knew how to handle 67 kids in an art camp and having on average 22 kids in a class. Having a baby should be fine. Right? Not exactly.
So of course I got pregnant. That's what many young 32-year olds are thinking about if they've chosen the right man and have the rest of their life on course. I had been teaching for a while, married the man of my dreams, we'd have beautiful babies (yes, I actually told him this before we got married - and he didn't run away).
And yes, we have had two beautiful children. I am truly blessed.
But somewhere, along the way I got a little upset. Not that I would change any of my choices. But it would have been nice to have been warned, advised, or something. It's funny how one of the most important decisions of your life - outside of the man you choose to marry, and no one really gives you the real story. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book that helped a little. Hopefully, many people have read it. But I'm here to add a little realism to her Hollywood story. We all can't be former pin-up girls trying to find a niche for ourselves in the media with a cool new book on mommyhood. But many of us are women who want the real story on a major life decision. The decision to have kids.
I guess it's a funny proposition. The decision. The decision to have kids. Do some people even make that choice? Unfortunately, in my field of work I see way too many people who didn't choose to have a family. It kind of chose them. But for some of us we actually make that decision. We wake up in the morning, or way back when we were younger and we decide we want to be a mom someday. I always knew I wanted to have kids. I just knew I wanted them when I was ready. I wanted to explore the world, meet the right man, begin a career I loved, and then have kids.
I always loved kids. I grew up babysitting half of the neighborhood. I think at a high point I had something insane like 17 families that I sat for. I enjoyed it, but couldn't wait until I was old enough to get a real job. Then waitressing began. The job that sent me through high school, college, and yes, even grad school. I never wanted to teach. I thought I needed to explore the world first. So that's what I did. New York, all over Europe, then back to my home state of Florida. Eventually, I succumbed to what everyone in high school said I'd be... a teacher. But at this time, I was ready. I worked in various fields, a publishing company, a magazine, a title company. Teaching finally fit. I loved the kids and they loved me. I loved learning even more, so teaching was a natural fit.
So of course, being a teacher prepared me for motherhood right? Sort of. I knew how to handle 67 kids in an art camp and having on average 22 kids in a class. Having a baby should be fine. Right? Not exactly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)